In this blog post, we'll explore some tried-and-true strategies with Darren & Evelyn Lim,
on ‘How to Convince Your Partner to Buy a Boat’.
Ah, the charm of the open sea, the wind in your hair, and the freedom to explore uncharted waters – the dream of owning a boat is something many individuals harbor. If you're one of those dreaming souls, eager to set sail but facing the challenge of convincing your partner to join you on this aquatic adventure, fear not!
Convincing your partner to buy a boat is not just about presenting a case but about fostering shared dreams and aspirations. By understanding and addressing concerns, highlighting the benefits, and working together to build a vision, you can turn your boating dream into a reality that both of you can enjoy.
Remember, the journey is as important as the destination, and in this case, the journey involves a boat, open waters, and the promise of countless adventures.
In this blog post, we'll explore some tried-and-true strategies with Darren & Evelyn Lim,
on ‘How to Convince Your Partner to Buy a Boat’.
So, let’s get started.
Dione: How did you start your journey?
Darren: I bought my first boat when I was in my early 20s from eBay. It was a 16-footer, partial cabin power boat with a 70 hp Johnson engine. It’s so old. It’s deteriorating right from the inside of the boat. I bought it on Singapore but on eBay so when I went to receive the boat I was like, “Oh-oh.” I knew I might be in for some trouble but it was still seaworthy to a certain extent. Obviously it was a very old boat but you know what? I did the craziest thing with that boat. I sailed around the whole of Singapore. I did a lot of expeditions with it.
Evelyn: That’s the problem when you buy a boat from the internet without any inspection.
Darren: And especially there was no guidance at all. It was really tough. The learning curve was too much.
Dione: Eve, he had the second boat when you met him, so were you interested in this sort of boating lifestyle and how did it progress for you?
Eve: It all sounds very romantic. I enjoy the sea but I wouldn’t say I adore it, that kind of lifestyle, so it took a bit of convincing. The first two boats, it wasn’t a joint decision. He just went ahead to buy it.
Darren: Between the second boat to the third boat, there was a 10-year gap of no boat. Because we got married and then we started our family so I wanted to focus on the family.
Eve: In fact, he was still trying to get me to go to a boating lifestyle to start a family on a boat and I was like, “No, I’m sorry.”
Darren: So every night I would show her pictures from the internet of other boats and other people doing boating lifestyles and homeschooling their children on boats and stuff like that. It took me exactly 10 years and so she calls it “boat porn”. Every night I look at the internet.
Dione: Did that get annoying, Eve? How did you cope with it? Was it irritating at all?
Eve: I suppose it’s a healthy obsession in that sense. As long as it doesn’t encroach into where we think our family should be headed. I know that he was born as a sailor. I know it’s something I can live with. I was very pragmatic and I did the calculations for him and I showed him what this looks like. It’s not going to be feasible with our income to have a boat. On top of that I was thinking, what about safety, to sail the world with kids and all that? These are all real concerns. So given all these reasons I said “No.”
Dione: Your three children were like 4, 6 and 8 or something like that and then you moved aboard the 37-footer Oceanis, so what was it that then had you shift, Eve, because you don’t want to have babies on a boat before and then it was okay to have the baby on the boat, the fourth one?
Eve: Well, we had already been living on the Oceanis for 11 months before that...
Dione: But the children were a bit older...
Darren: Yes, we had three kids, and she was pregnant with the fourth.
Eve: It gave us confidence, having experienced raising kids on board. By then, our older children were a bit more independent. I gave Elliott (the youngest) my undivided attention when he came along.
Darren: I think I also sold her the idea that, actually, living on the boat gives us the great opportunity of parenting our children from a very unconventional way because I told her, “You know, you can be watching over your child 24 hours, 7 days a week,” so you got to teach them the ropes of how to look after themselves.
They have to learn right from a very young age of being responsible for their own safety and being aware of the situation, things like that. The boat gives you a great space to do that, a great environment to practice that. Right from a very young age, my kids were able to look after themselves while we were sailing. They learn to be responsible for their own safety right from the start. As parents, the best thing that you can do for a child is to equip them with the knowledge of how they can protect themselves better.
Dione: Do you have any advice to help people, the first time boaters, especially in Asia, is there an ideal time or age that your children are at when you should buy a boat? Not even buy a boat, it’s about the boating lifestyle, what do you think about the age?
Darren: I think that’s a very broad question but I think there’s really no best time to buy a boat. I feel that living in Singapore and especially in Singapore is really an ideal place to own a boat because we are an island country and we are a small country and we are a congested country with so many people.
If you have your own boat, you have the opportunity of just taking your boat and go out to the islands even though it is just nearby. There are places and islands where you can explore with your family and such memories are very, very good with young children growing up. They will have such memories to bring with them through their whole life.
“If you’re worried about the children not being able to adapt to the lifestyle and all that, I think that’s a bit too much to worry about because children are so adaptable.”
I remember the time when we moved from the boat, I told my wife and said, “Hey you know what? Why don’t we just pack our stuff and move on to the boat and assume that we’re giving ourselves just three days,” so Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
And after that we just kind of stayed on and we stayed for a week, and then after a week it became three weeks, and after three weeks it became a month, and then it became three months, then it became six months. And suddenly I turned around and I said to her, “You know dear, anything that is not with us right now are things that we don’t need anymore.”
Living on a boat actually gives us that opportunity to declutter our lives as well and life becomes a lot simpler and you can focus on the most important things in life which is relationship with each other.
This boat is small. No matter how rich you are, how big a boat you buy, the boat is still small. It’s always one foot shy... I think it brings the family really closer and there’s a certain bonding that nature can help us with.
Eve: The proximity of being close to each other onboard. You can’t turn away from each other. You’re always in each other’s faces so you have to deal with whatever issues that you are faced with.
Darren: Do it while your family is still very young. The younger the better; it’s easier.
Eve: Even better if you can bring their friends onboard and make it into one of the activities that they do with their friends.
Dione: What are the three things that a partner would be worried about when the other partner was thinking about buying a boat? How do we overcome those three things? I think you mentioned before, finances was one of the worries?
Eve: Yeah, I think this is definitely something that everybody would have at the back of their mind. The only thing that I don’t have the foresight of seeing was that he was so in love with the boat that I feel like I’m missing out on my husband.
Dione: Oh, so it’s like a mistress, it’s like a boat is like a mistress.
Eve: Then he tells me, “Actually, this is not my mistress. This is my second daughter.”
Dione: Some of these partners that we’ve been talking to and working with, there’s people that are not necessarily bitten with the bug but they’re doing this to support a partner, so letting the partner explore, letting the partner build that dream, there are plenty of women that while it’s not really their “gig” but they are being in that supportive partner role, so would that have been what you were like, Eve, and then you got the bug or did you ever actually get bitten by the sea bug?
Darren: I think she kind of grew into it and finally I think she loved it.
Eve: I think there were challenges involved in staying onboard and making this as part of a lifestyle especially when you have very young kids...
Darren: Just moving from one season to another season of our life and this season just doesn’t allow us for the time being, but the dream is still there so we will still continue to work towards that.
Dione: Tell us a little bit about the charter opportunity and how that fits into your life.
Darren: We had to move back on land because of various reasons, the children are growing up and they have to attend school and to do examinations and all that. Since the boat was left empty, I thought I’ve got so much passion for the sea. I just wanted to share my passion with more people. By doing the charter business it actually helps to fund the boat to keep it going. I thought that was a brilliant idea to share a business together with my business partner so we have the XimulaSail going on.
Dione: What would be the number one tip that you have to help couples keep aligned on this whole boating lifestyle decision? How do people stay aligned and move forward together on this journey?
Darren: I think the key here is communication. That’s the most important thing. You really have to talk your dreams out.
A lot of times, especially for us guys, I do admit that we are project creatures and we look at buying a boat, owning a boat, having a boat, fixing a boat, as projects. Eventually, you will tend to neglect the people next to you, the person next to you, so I think communication is key. Like I say, you’re going to have this as a shared experience.
Eve: Definitely communication. There were many times when I felt like I was neglected, I was being relegated for second place, so we really talked about it until we found something that works for both of us.
Dione: Any final words of wisdom?
Eve: What Darren has taught me in this journey, you know, because the boating dream was not mine, but you only live once and it feels good to be able to embark on something that used to be my partner’s dream, but then I saw my destiny in it as well, how it intertwined and there were fears, there were a lot of uncertainties that surrounded it but I think, together we made it happen. We had this thing that happened in our life and that we are thankful for because there are so many things we learned from that season in life.
Darren: Keep dreaming and keep walking.
Dione: Keep swimming. Keep sailing.
Getting your partner to love the idea of owning a boat isn't just about explaining – it's about talking about your dreams together.
Through the experiences of Darren and Evelyn Lim, we've discovered how they made their boat dream come true. From Darren's bold purchase of a boat online to convincing Eve about the unique joys of parenting on a boat, their story is a testament to the power of persistence, communication, and adaptability.
So, for those dreaming of the sea, keep dreaming, keep going, and for those heading out on the water – keep sailing. Good luck with your dreams!
About Darren and Evelyn: They lived on their Lagoon 40 with their 4 kids for 4 years, till they shifted back on land in 2016. Ever since then, Darren has been running the yacht chartering business to share this passion of sailing with fellow charterers who come onboard Gracefully.
Note: This interview is being run for the Boat Buyer Expo (www.boatbuyerexpo.com). You can also watch the interview on YouTube HERE.
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